Friday, 22 October 2010

Artemis Fowl: A Lame Duck

Fartemis Owl - Haha! That is
funnier than anything
in this book
Artemis Fowl is...not very good. There I said it. I didn't really want to have to say it. I was really looking forward to reading it. It seemed to have an original idea and I couldn't see how it could go wrong. But it did go wrong for me. Terribly, terribly wrong.

The story follows Artemis Fowl, a twelve year old criminal mastermind from Ireland. Artemis plans to steal the fairies gold and has a cunning plan to do it. But the fairies are old and cunnin-. Actually scratch that. The fairies are rubbish. Rubbish, rubbish, rubbish. They fly around cursing humans for destroying the planet. Fly around with petrol driven wings and nuclear powered cameras strapped to their heads, just waiting to set off bombs that wipe out great swathes of life. But fairy society is really interesting. what they have done is copy human society. The race they really don't like they have copied. I don't understand any of this? Why would you do this?  Why when you have the chance to create an imaginative, exciting new society would you base your society on 1970s American city with (nuclear powered) rayguns?

So the fairies are rubbish but obviously the character of Artemis himself can save this book, he is so calculating, so-. Sorry, sorry, no he isn't. He's got as much depth as the puddle outside my shower.  He's a small block of wood that occasionally smiles in a condescending way.

The plot is rubbish as well. Scenes overlap with a change of point of view in a really annoying way. Things make little sense. I really don't want to talk about it.

So in summary, in case you didn't guess, I really didn't like this book. When I was nine I think I'd have used it for some pyromaniac escapade rather than suffer much more after the second chapter. Seeing as a whole bunch of other books have been written about Artemis I can only guess they get a lot better but I'm not going to risk reading another one.

If you really want to buy it you might want to try here.

Oh, the whole bit about the whaler? Complete **** knocking **** splash. GRRRRRRR!

Sorry about the rant.